eldercare posts

By Molly McCluskey
Daily Finance

Between the growing number of adult children moving back in with their parents, and a growing population of senior citizens becoming financially dependent on their children, the Sandwich Generation can't seem to catch a break.

Nearly half of all adults between the ages of 40-59 are giving financial support either to a parent over the age of 65 or to their offspring. Nearly one in seven adults are supporting both. So says a new study by Pew on the rising financial burdens of those adults -- the generation that overlaps both the Baby Boomers and Generation X.

When it came to caring for her elderly mother Doris, Shirley Roberts thought she had everything under control.

She would make the drive from Toronto to her mom's house in Cobourg every second Saturday and do whatever needed doing from cutting the grass to shoveling snow and basic household chores. She made sure that the neighbours would look in on her mother every so often and recruited a volunteer named Susan to take her mother to her medical appointments and grocery shopping, while coming over for tea and helping with the gardening.

Roberts thought she had all her bases covered, but then, on one of her Saturday visits, she found unopened mail, a burnt out hallway lightbulb, tea stains on her mother's blouse and expired milk and yogurt in her mother's fridge. Soon it became apparent that her mother had Alzheimer's Disease and Roberts had missed the signs and dropped the ball.

What she calls her "Solo Firefighter Approach" to caregiving, that had allowed her mother to live a semblance of an independent life for a year, wasn't working. She was simply putting out the biggest fires of the week. Her infrequent visits paled in comparison to the level of attention her mom really needed, but what could she do? Roberts had a full-time job running a marketing company in Toronto and a new man in her life, she quickly realized she could not devote the amount of time and energy she wanted to for her mother's care without sacrificing something very significant in her own life.

It was a harrowing dilemma that many adult children with elderly parents face.

"There's a tremendous need for a better approach to caregiving," says Roberts If you talk to the people in the healthcare field, the doctors, the nurses, the lawyers, they will all tell you this is an increasing need because families go into crisis, they don't plan ahead, they don't realize what's coming. We plan for having children, but we don't plan to take care of our parents and none of us are ready to die."

That's why she wrote Doris Inc: A Business Approach to Caring for Your Elderly Parents. It details how Roberts, a marketing executive, and her brother David, a chartered accountant, united their business expertise to manage their mother's care like a corporation.

The holidays conjure up nostalgic images of food, fun, and fellowship. It's the time of year when people are spoiled and fêted by their loving families.

But for some aging parents the holidays can be a painful reminder of how isolated they are. As our lifestyles get busier and busier, it is not unusual to find family members who are separated by distance and time, specifically adult children. Research shows that one in five adult children live more than one hour away from their aging parents.

If your parents are in their 70s or older you may want to seize the holidays as an opportunity to take a closer look at their well-being. At first, aging parents may not want to burden their families so they do not tell them about the help they need. The holiday season can provide you with a chance to spend some quality time with them and observe their changing needs. For instance, mobility concerns, health condition and the onset of depression.

"Work won't visit you when you're old," wrote actress and writer Tina Fey in her best selling book Bossypants. She was referring to the importance of focusing on life's priorities; the enlivening role that children play in our lives. It's cautionary advice that we all should take seriously as we ride the wave of the RRSP season, and await the outcome of the OAS debates.

Statistics Canada reported that in 25 years, approximately a quarter of the Canadian population (roughly 10 million) will be seniors. So when retirement is decades or less away, sorting out the fine details is frequently the elephant in the room.

Unfortunately, fatal illness can strike when you least expect it.

Evelyn Jacks, president of the Winnipeg-based Knowledge Bureau and one of Canada's leading tax experts knows from personal experience how things can change quickly and dramatically. Within the span of 18 months she lost four members of her family, including both of her parents. In addition, each case required extensive, expensive palliative care.

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